Wednesday, 18 January 2017

"Helpful" People

"Helpful" People

I'd like to take a moment and ponder some things that people have said to me. Now my dearest darling hubby thinks this is probably a bad idea and he is probably right. It will be not great for the old blood pressure.
I am not alone in getting advice when it come to parenting my child of course. Parenting advice is everywhere, and the shaming is REAL.
As a home educator I have sort of been, polite about my friends choices in how they raise their kids.
Because I am sort of that person, and I kind of figured that the "comments" and advice are at least well meaning, if coming from a place of very limited experience.

"Aren't you worried that..."

You know what, regardless of the end of that sentence the answer is probably yes. I have woken up from some terrible nightmare in a cold sweat that all the decisions I have ever made are terrible and I have utterly failed as a parent. I mean thanks for bringing it up because if you hadn't and it was something that I'd never thought of, well I will now!

"What if..."

What if she wants to be a vegan/Catholic/doctor/nomad and your choice to do______ means she can't? I have tried to encourage my daughter that she can do anything she wants to do. It might take a lot of hard work but I will love, support and do my best to help her (even if I don't agree with her choices). I only know that I had to raise her, as authentically myself, as real as possible. I am sure I have fucked up, a lot, but I have spent her whole life trying to be the best Mum I could ever be, because I had such a bad family experience.

"Shouldn't she learn to deal with terrible things?"

I mean I know school can be soul destroying and awful but don't you need that as a child to be able to tolerate it as an adult?
Firstly why would ever allow yourself to continue in a situation like this as an adult? It isn't healthy or good for you. This is where the tight smile and the internal screaming kick in. Bullying, trauma, misery and awfulness are not character building. In fact having a happy healthy childhood builds a stronger foundation to deal with life than the reverse. Psychologically we know this to be true. Children with childhood trauma are more likely to become addicts, more likely to suffer with mental and physical health issue, but whatever. It's character.
*rolls eyes so hard*

"What about socialization?"

I have written about this a lot and from our own role play groups to local meet ups and events as well as, you know, living in a city and doing stuff we come into contact with people all the time. My daughter is a quiet bookish sort, not because we home educate but because of school. While she certainly is confident and comfortable speaking to many groups of people from all ages and backgrounds, she isn't trusting of people. School did that to her. It hurt and harmed her, and she no longer sings like she used to. No other question is as likely to make a home educator gain a physical twitch as this one. My dearest darlings response is better than mine, he just tells you to ask her about it. This usually does a couple of things, it shocks them that they would speak to a "child" and if they do, she usually as a pithy and dry enough answer in a way I had not even thought of.

So nightmares not withstanding, I am confident that my shame hangover from having hung out with someone who feels the need to question every parenting choice I have ever made, who doesn't have kids has far more to with them; than me. I am also sure that the "bad Mum" stick is not one they will likely let go off easily.

Home education is far too important to be taken seriously

Love Bad Mummy!

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