"How do I get my child to..read?"

"How do I get my child to...read? "

"Help! My child is (under 7) and won't spell out/sit and read/write things down!"

Well there's your problem! You are not teaching reading! Not that that is something you need to sit and force a child to do (all your going to do is get a fight). If you want to encourage your child to read you need two things. Books and time. I don't remember teaching my daughter to "read" we just always had books, everywhere. She would copy me and her Dad looking at books. It wasn't something we worried about.

Stories and reading were a huge part of our bedtime routine (I kind of really miss it now she 15!) and I would tend to stop on a cliff-hanger! I found this would make her excited to go to bed (and hear the story) and it would also mean I caught her under the covers with a torch reading, because she wanted to know what would happen.

You do need GOOD books (I can only think of two books that had anything to do with Princess we ever owned) well written and crafted, slightly gross or scary stories, stories with lots of adventures.

Our favourite was The 13 and 1/2 lives of Captain Blue Bear. This actually an adult book, written in the style of a children's book. In terms of reading aloud it's NOT easy and you look silly (which is always a bonus) but if you have fun with it they do.

We also loved Terry Pratchett, Lemony Snicket and Neil Gaiman (his Graveyard books hit the mark with my spooky loving daughter). 

What is reading? 

Reading at it's heart is pattern recognition. It doesn't matter HOW they learn (phonics just never worked for us because English is NOT a phonetic language.) We learn to recognise patterns naturally. What is safe, what isn't, what is edible, what isn't. As such if you add a word to a thing, and they see what it is, they will learn pretty quickly that the cookie jar, has the word cookies on it!

The basic understanding that this set of shapes means X will happen but some folks brains are wired to do it later than others. It's worth bearing in mind that in the most successful academic countries do not even begin to teach children until they hit 7 years old.

This is because of brain development. Before that they are learning a HUGE amount about the world in this primary expression: play. 

Now my daughter was reading very young, but not because we "made" her. It was something she wanted to do. I wasn't happy with how they were teaching her words at school so we would play word games at home (a home-made version of snap with words). We kept it light and fun, while her tea was cooking. 

There is another kind of reading. Reading where you are creating a story, a movie in your mind populated with the people written on a page. It is satisfying and emotional, it is uplifting and allows you to see and in worlds you have never experienced. It fosters empathy, heroism (if you have never been seen some be really brave, or strong, or overcoming how do you know you can?) and kindness.

It is deeply important because it the imagination is a muscle that requires practice to use.

Some never experience this. They simply are not wired to.

Some people never had really good stories (women and girls in particular have a real lack of decent books) or were told it was "boring" or pointless to read like this. I get told I am "strong" a lot by people, and I genuinely believe that is because I read a lot. Most of my protagonists I read growing up were strong men, and I put myself in the stories with them. I wasn't a damsel, I was a battle-gruff knight on a horse, not complaining about the rain.  Reading changed how I viewed the world, and myself.

If you foster a love of this kind of reading, the other kind just sort of follows along. Grammar, spelling and writing structure also come with it. 

Home education is far too important to be taken seriously.

   

My issues with the LA

We are based in Stoke-on-Trent. Our "Home education liaison" is actually a school enforcement officer.
 Previously to [name redacted] we had a brilliant gentleman called [name redacted]. We got on well, had visits and so on. When he retired [name redacted] assumed his job into her remit. That is when for us the trouble began. From the get go [name redacted] was clueless. We gave it time, we explained a lot of stuff, but here is the important thing, she had no desire to learn about home education.
In fact her only response to any queerly any question was "send her to school".

We tried to get our daughter into college to take her G.C.S.E's but the LA (read [name redacted]) blocked funding because? "If you want her to take G.C.S.E's send her to school. There will be funding when she is 14." So we wait, can you guess what happen at 14? Nothing. No funding, no support.Then after some really sloppy and offensive letters followed by some really miffed emails she decides to book a visit. She grills us for 4 hours, brings a social worker with her (unannounced) and refers to the how HE community as "154 troubled families" just as she is leaving. We are told "16". I get a weird email saying that there is now a HE "specialist" at Stoke-on-Trent college (which I don't like). 

This makes me feel all weird and I don't respond (call it good instinct). I called Newcastle-under-Lyme college yesterday whom no longer take HE students because when they have in the last few years the LA refused to cover funding but only after the student had already been enrolled. I have a good long chat with them and discover the the HE specialist stuff is basically NOT college but "school" class with the same age group in a college building. My daughter is bright enough to take classes at university level and she is being held back by this petty and block-headed bureaucrat.

 I know she works not for the benefit of families and children, but for the benefit of schools, trying to get families to delay leaving until they get as much money as possible (leaving the beginning of one term rather than the end of another) dragging out some of the most painful and damaging environments to very vulnerable children. She has told lies, and half truths repeatedly and does so always to the determent to children and families and to the benefit of schools.This woman is not fit for purpose and needs to be fired and replaced with someone who can actually do her job.

Education and learning are so drastically different for school that it blows my mind that this person is blocking funding and opportunities for 154 children at least in our area. The fact that they feel the need to create a school bubble within the college system to "school" children, rather than educate them makes me so angry. 
Our LA has a long and colourful history of bad judgements, nepotism and lack of action which is what drove us to home educate in the first place!It seems more concerned with keeping funding than protecting children and needs a complete overhaul.  

The "Right" Way

The "Right Way.

At 15 all of my year was lead into the huge sports hall of our school and we were told, for about an hour, that if we failed* at our exams our lives were effectively over.
This talk was repeated at almost every level of education in one form or another.
"If you don't have G.C.S.E.'s you will fail. If you don't have further qualifications you will fail. If you don't have a degree you will fail. If you don't get a "proper" job you will fail."
Well, the people I knew who failed at school are still people, and some of them went onto amazing things.
In fact the most miserable people I know are the ones who didn't fail. They succeeded every time. Then when they finally hit something they couldn't do, had a breakdown.

*Failing is seen as some poisonous toxic thing to be avoided at all costs. This mentality messes you up. It squashes your desire to explore or try things you are not good at. This fear they put inside is us of failure never quit goes away. Failure is the only way to really learn anything.
It's not just okay to suck at something, it shows us how we can be better.

This awful idea this "if you fail" mantra is one of the most damaging lies you can tell anyone and now we are routinely telling it to 6 year olds. More over it actually stops people from doing the very thing that would make them better, failing.

Three goals.

I am a study nerd. Today I decided to replace my "to do" list with three goals.

Try something new.
Do something you're good at.
Do something you suck at.

I asked my daughter to do the same. This fear of failure, this fear of the imperfect is really hard to shake. It freezes us, it makes us afraid to try.  That is the aim of this mentality. To stop you from trying again.
In this way it shuts out people who don't do well "in the system" policing the kind of success that is "acceptable".
If I fail today I will ask "what did that teach me?" Then I will try again tomorrow.

Home education is far too important to take seriously.

Partners

Partners

It breaks my heart when I see all the posts in HE groups from smart, resourceful women breaking their backs to try and get their husbands and even ex-husbands on the same home educational page.

I don't understand. By choice and design my darling and I decided on home education together. We talked extensively before, it was not only my responsibility, but a family team effort. 

It's not all roses and sunshine (we have our moments) but in general we trust and respect each other.

We did come to home education lightly, we came as parents who had been fighting against the school to end or even acknowledge the terrible bullying our wee one was enduring. 

My hubby has always been "hands on"even when he was working split shifts. He could change a nappy pretty much in his sleep. Was the "burp miracle" when all else failed, spit up be damned. 

Yet he always trusted me if I made a decision. From when to bottle feed (she was allergic to my breast milk) to when to let her nap, or wean. If he was unsure, we talked, I'd show him the book or article, he'd read it and once he knew, once he was in the loop he was good.

He wasn't "in the dark" to the hell she was going through. Many a school gate drama happened while he was there.

We set our our rules, together. We had family meetings, and even when things between us struggled we were united in our friendship, respect and educational drives.

It is true that I am often the referee between he and my daughter (peas in a pod) but I tend to be the ideas and organiser while he ends up helping with the "doing" of the activity or project. 

The coolest thing is when he "gets" it. He is a shy man, and going out and doing stuff used to be a struggle but as I have been less able he has really stepped up. He has really gotten into the spirit of "try something new".  He has fallen in love with our local Asian supermarket, especially the Korean noodles.  

He really feels has learned how to talk with his daughter, not just to her. To really hear her as a person. They hangout a lot and enjoy many of the same things.

It is part of the "yes..and.." mentality. It is an improv idea that you always build on and build up together.

I try and give advice to some of those women, struggling. To acknowledge the fear, and shame and blame happening in the brief sound bites. While I know that I could home educate as a lone parent, I know that we are a team. We made a choice to become parents together. We made vows to honour and cherish, in sickness and in health, and honouring and valuing each other is the foundation of it all. I am so grateful and it is something we work on together.

Home education is too important to take seriously.

 

Sample de-registration letter

Sample De-registration Letter

This letter is for those living within the England and is legally correct as of the date published. Things are different in other parts of the UK and will require more than the letter below. That said it is not impossible.
After you have sent them this letter (an in paper hard copy that has to be signed for is best) the school can send you a receipt but they can not legally harness, call for meetings (you don't have to go) or refuse to de-register. If they do, they are breaking the law.

Your address

At home education house

Freedom Rd

City of Rock and Roll.

Headteachers name.

Name of school.

Address of school.

Date.

Re Child/children's names  d.o.b date of birth/s

Dear Headteacher's name,

I am writing to inform you that my child/ren are receiving an education at home, otherwise than at school, accordance with Section 7 of the 1996 Education Act.

As of this date, (date) remove their names from your school register; in accordance with the Education (Pupil Registration) Regulation 2016 Section 8 (1) (d) for mainstream schools.

Please confirm in writing you have removed my child/ren from the schools registers as of the date above stated.

Your Sincerely

(your signature)

(your name in print)

Home Ed kids are different

Home Ed kids are Different

Before you leave "the system" (and sometimes even after) you heard this said as a criticism. They are "weird" and "not normal".

This is of course a great generalisation. School is about conformity. It isn't so much that school "makes kids normal" as it punishes and shames those who are different. This in turn, makes children shame and punish those who are different.
I am of the opinion that HE children are different. I have sat and watched bunches of HE kids play together.
There is no age clumping or gender clumping. They do not organise themselves into the kinds of groups you might expect. They tend to be focused on imaginative play, cooperative even when confrontational (super heroes require a villain after all). They talk more, and scream less often. The risks they take are calculated ones and not generally to "show off".
Their play is immersive, narrative and revolves around identity or character. If this was a bunch of adults we would call this role play, or LARP.
There are on-going studies being done about the therapeutic effects of this kind of role play for adults.
We know it helps educate, motive and foster empathy as well as expand the kids knowledge of the different parts of the self. It is hard to see yourself as a hero or heroic if you have never played as the hero.

When schooled children enter a park mostly filled with HE kids two things usually happen. No matter how big or small the group or what age their play is very different.
Firstly their play is usually competitive and "high risk" if they are boys and "quiet" and seated if a girl. The genders do not mix, with the exception to "show off" or confront each other. Their play is usually brief bursts of physical competition followed loud vocalisation without much meaning except "being loud".
The HE kids acknowledge and may try to engage but the "schooled" kids simply seem to lack the language and ability to play narratively. The HE kids soon lose interest and play their game around or away from them.
School seems to have deprived at least some of these children of the universal language of play or warped it into a narrow band of "acceptable play". It side-lines girls entirely and put the focus of physical prowess and domination.

Learning to play is a hugely important part of childhood. All social animals learn through play. It crosses gender, race, age and even species. Mixing with other children who HE in social groups is so important. Not because of the support and educational value of play in general but because it is the doorway to a deeper and valuable kind of play, and way of being.

Home education is far too important to be taken seriously.

Special Needs

Special Needs

Lets first address that all kids are special. I have yet to meet a "normal" child.They are all very different and grow in their own unique way.
Yet there are kids that struggle particularly within the confines of the regular school system. "Special" in the school system is often short hand for "difficult" and sometimes just "thick".
Those who have extra educational needs and those who are ill often struggle through no fault of their own. Schools seem to care about the numbers of "attendance" ahead of the well being of the child.

Home education has the benefit of being able to be tailored exactly to your child. This also means the often ritual humiliation of those with educational/social/mental health needs from dyslexia to depression, autism and ADD is totally absent from their lives.
If no-one makes you feel ashamed or stupid you are more free to explore what you can do and less afraid to try what you can't.

Folks leaving the school system often worry that their "extra" support with the school system will go with the school (and it might) and feel fear that they couldn't possibly be able to cope with their "special" child. After all it takes three teams and 4 meetings a week to keep them in school! Here is the truth. Your child is not difficult, no more so than anyone else's. They are different in a system that can not make them into the "desired" shape. Sure they are more complicated, like a piano. Lots of moving parts, hard work to move places perhaps and when treated harshly makes a quite awful sound. Yet one person or even a community that know and understand how to keep it in tune, how to make it sing like a hundred voices.

My mother worked with disabled adults for a while and I meet and knew quite a few of them. They were people (some lovely, some not so) but I remember a lady called Sally. Sally had Down's syndrome as well as some other health problems. She was quite limited in what she could do physically and mentally. Yet Sally had a super power. She could make anyone smile. Any room she was in was brightened, and conversation she was at lifted. She made people happy.
Sally taught me that everyone, and I do mean everyone has a gift. No matter the physical or mental constraints you can have a positive effect on the world around you. That you are not your limitations, no matter how severe they might be.

School and it's system focuses on the things you can't do and punishes when you can't as a sort of spiritual failing. Yet a loving supportive environment where compassion and common sense rule can really bring out the best in a "special" child. It can give time and space to explore the gifts and joys of a special child. You only get one childhood. It is the foundation of who we can become as an adult. Rather than it be a "difficult disaster"  leaving the school system can be the best experience a special child can have.

Home education is far too important to take seriously.